Blocks of Brilliance; Validation as Scaffolding
The building blocks of character are set early. A little too early. So early and so out of your control.
From my first 'aha' moment at six with the digital TV box, 'smart' became my nickname and my challenge. It probably became a lifelong pursuit before that, but that’s the earliest I can remember. One of my earliest memories is my mother struggling with those antiquated black and red digital tv boxes and me, in all my six year old glory, figuring it out. All my technologically inept aunties watched in awe. Then the compliments started coming in.
Einstein. Little genius. Tech wiz. Unbeknownst to my little head, what I was receiving just then was validation, and one of the under the hood features of validation was a chemical concoction giving me a sweet sweet hit of the classic feel good hormone. A sweet addictive rush of approval. Just like that, I had been hopped up on a new highly addictive drug that would shape me as a person.
And “Doing hard, complex and difficult things that nobody wanted to do” was my dealer. Those little things got me more validation, and whilst chasing more validation I’d do more little things. Finishing my questions before my peers in class? Yessir. Working harder than the rest for more compliments? Absolutely. Cleaning up the house randomly all the time for a thank you? I will do it for you! I yearned for a crown of compliments of any kind.
In the academic realm this took on the guise of gifted and talented. I ended up on that program. What a strange program. We were the “destined-for-greatness” generation, only to stumble upon life's first hurdling blocks. I was not particularly gifted or talented. When push came to shove I was solidly average/above average and it took me a while to reconcile that.
The alternative perspective on this I’ve come to develop is one of disposition and circumstance. Circumstance being the more heavily weighted factor. This is my stance on nature, nurture as a role in intelligence. I could delve into the complexities of intelligence for aeons. It's a topic that has baffled far greater minds than mine, so I'll spare you the exhaustive debate
People are shaped by their surroundings—tell a child they're smart or they're dumb, and you've placed a brick in their intellectual foundation. My own building blocks were laid by comments that were mere whispers to others but shouts to me. So 'll continue to applaud every 'aha' from the next little Einstein. Even what seems like a passing comment can construct a mental mantle of self belief in a growing mind. So here's to creating those cornerstones with our words, deliberately and kindly—because, let's face it, the right word at the right time could be all it takes to build greatness.