Are We Eternally Adolescent In Pursuit of Adulthood
Or, how young people are increasingly stuck in their teenage phase.
Growing up seemed amazing. It seemed like the be-all and end-all. Adults were these inscrutable beings, whose machinations were beyond our understanding. They all seemed so occupied, so distressed. But they could do as they pleased — all powerful in their woes. You, being the acolyte you are, asked for answers. They told us.
“Put your head down, work really hard, make money, you will one day be ‘Free’".
Echoing what they were told.
Unbeknownst to us, we started to internalise this belief. This roadmap, that if successfully followed, would crown us with the ultimate accolade of success, freedom. As we came of our own understanding, a startling realisation occurred — those lauded adults were just as confused as we were… tf.
For the average person this search for freedom narrowed in scope. It went from freedom — to merely wanting calm. Little things, like complacency; economic, financial, and social security. You pursued normalcy, for in its tame embrace came comfort.
As you age, you’re met with a few existential questions. And we love neatly packaged answers. You're told that you’re supposed to grow up and take your place among your fellow adults. Unfortunately, there is no clear definition of adulthood. You can be 50 years old, successful as anything and still think like a child — This isn’t necessarily a clear negative or positive. That is exactly part of the confusion.
Fast forward a few years, and you hear some say that childhood is “some of the best years of your life”. Then you hear older people say, "Ah, when you grow up that’s prime, you'll see things differently". And then this societal definition of success. And a whole host of implicit and explicit pressures. Eventually you're left with this lofty, dissonant concept of adulthood that is ever elusive and just out of reach. You search for a fix — one more promotion, one more purchase, a kid, a new partner, anything really.
This puts you into an adolescence limbo. Adolescence is extended from its natural period well into adulthood — And with this extended adolescence comes a potent immaturity. The ability to reform aspects of the world in your childlike image.
In most cultures, adulthood is demarcated by rituals. In Kenya and Tanzania a significant rite of passage for young Maasai men is their Coming of Age Ceremony. It involves various rituals, signifying the transition from boyhood to manhood. The ceremony is characterised by the shaving of heads, application of ochre on faces, singing, dancing, and tests of strength and courage. This ceremony marks a young man's eligibility for marriage and readiness to take on adult responsibilities within the Maasai community.
In Native American culture there is the vision quest. A rite of passage practised focusing on young men but also open to women. This ritual involves a period of fasting, solitude, and meditation in a secluded natural setting, often seeking spiritual guidance and personal introspection. The quest is intended for individuals to connect with the spiritual world, receive visions or messages, and understand their role within the community. It marks the transition from adolescence to adulthood and symbolises the individual's readiness to assume adult responsibilities in the tribe. In these rituals being community, spiritually and respond. Although humanity has collectively become a little wiser as to where and how we draw these lines, for all our bluff and bluster, we are not that much more intelligent.
Within the West, these rituals of adulthood take a particularly capital intensive nature. You need a house, a car, a high-status well-paying job, the latest phone, to perpetually holiday, a therapist to guide you through every unsettling moment and pills to suppress the noise. You’re only young once. Min-max every aspect of your life — because that's what any ‘fulfilled’ adult would do, should do.
It’s exhausting. There's much to learn, and even more to do. So we do what our hyper-efficient human brains do. We pattern match. We ignore the noise and attenuate to the signal. We make sense of the world in our childish way. We make the complex — simple. How do children make sense of things? Through stories, narratives and tropes.
Everything is viewed through the lens of fantasy. We live in a perpetual state of escapism. Binary blacks and whites, goodies and baddies. Us and them. We’re innately tribal creatures — so this is a trap we fall into all far too easily.
In the age of the internet, finding your tribe through an algorithm becomes terrifyingly simple. I'm right, you're wrong, you’re right-wing, I’m left-wing. Muslim, Christian, Vegan, Crossfitter, Cyberpunk Emo Goth, Incel, Femcel, Volcel. An hour or two on TikTok and your feed is highly personalised with a label just for you.
It has even permeated into more mainstream media with people claiming proudly to be MCU or DC fans. Love island watchers. [Insert Boomer News] channel watchers. For Gen Z and Millennials, our digital consumption is reshaping the physical world.
We didn’t just grow up with these algorithms. They raised us. Formed the core of our identities. We looked into the algorithmic void and saw our reflections staring back at us, statistically probable caricatures — curated by our best minds to deliver our deepest fantasies and nightmares.
Pair this with soul-crushing societal changes due to demographic shifts, climate change, rising inequality, poor policy and, harrowingly, technological progress. Even technology… a supposed panacea, is contributing to this atrophying of the soul.
So escape we must, and escape we do.
People are shirking reality, there’s a vapid emptiness to it. This is why there's been a Cambrian explosion in ‘giving up’ movements such as the lay-down-flat in China, MGTOWs, NEETs and many more I'm sure in bubbles of the internet that I am not exposed to. There's an unbearable air of oppressiveness to the future. People are more polarised than ever before, and navigating this tangled web is near impossible for any individual.
There is little mainstream guidance for spiritual formation of any kind. Older generations had their holy books, communities and third spaces. The secular world has ideologies and memes. Modern society has commodified and diluted so much of what it means to be — that we meme, for it is the only way we can connect with something greater than ourselves.
What is a meme, and why do it?
A meme is a unit of culture, such as a tune, idea, catchphrase, clothes, or fashion. A unit of social capital. - Graham Gordon, Genes: A Philosophical Inquiry.
What do memes, ideologies, religion and music artist fandoms all have in common? They provide social cohesion, allowing concepts and beliefs to spread quickly through a population. They create a shared social framework to perceive the world. So we meme, for the gods, their rituals and their institutions are dead — all we can do is post funny cat pictures with captions about it.
I will steal a little from the great social anthropologist Robert D. Putnam. The currency of cohesion is social capital. It flows among people that live and work in a collective. It plays an instrumental role in well being. Engaging in community and activity is important for well being. The collapse of civic structure means we are increasingly turning to digital tribes and memes to supplement that well being.
The digital tribes are here to stay, the challenge lies in harnessing these platforms for positive social cohesion. I wish I had an answer to this collapse but that would likely be a book. I am going to end this with a quote —
"Born too late to explore earth, born too early to explore the galaxy, born just in time for these dank memes."
P.S. I know things aren't actually that bad, I’m just venting.
P.P.S. this is a low-key debut post so any feedback would be appreciated. Shoot me a DM.
I love your very metaphoric exploration of society here. Good grasp and rich thought process. Please, write more.