Can You Learn Lessons From Sucking at Ping Pong

Things can be learnt from everything but what lessons are being learnt?

Diamonds are made under pressure

Ping-pong is a strange game. Originally an after-dinner parlour game from 19th century Victorian England, it made its way to the masses through the British military, before finding its way to my inner-city London state school. Having weaselled into the secondary education system it cemented itself as the standard “break-time” game. In the form of a literal cement-made ping-pong table, undamageable by raucous children and very cost-effective to boot. Here began my descent into madness.

The ping-pong table stood in the middle of the playground, unchanged by hail, stone, or sleet. Summer, winter, autumn, and spring. It stood. Unchanged and untested by time. No matter the weather, the table stood, and no matter the weather, I sucked at ping-pong. I hated that ping-pong table. The table's unchanging nature was a testament to my perpetual ping-pong inadequacy.

That concrete table got some serious serious mileage

Everyone sucks at something, and in fact, most people suck at most things. I sucked at ping-pong. I was dreadful, truly, truly dreadful. And as someone who prides themselves on not sucking—part of the hubris of being young—the table was a monument to my ping-pong impotence. Think back to your first tastes of failure, what comes to mind? One of the earliest instances in my memory was this ping-pong table. And it was the first of many.

From games, to grades, to girls, the humblings came in a barrage. Amplified only by the shameful silence with which I absorbed the shock. Each failure a blunt force trauma slug straight to the chest, that would put Babe Ruth to shame. I was guilty of a juvenile belief, the belief there was such a thing as an inherent betterness. And that belief—I learnt through successive failure—was fundamentally flawed.

I sucked. Woe is me. I was a failure. Woe is me. I'm just another schmuck, like everyone else. An unquestionable fact of life. As concrete as the cement of the ping-pong table. Throughout life, we are told of success stories. The child prodigy, the gifted artist, the successful businessman who doesn't take shit from anyone. Confusingly, reality doesn't give us a hero to strive for in our failures, I guess it’s not as sexy. Our heroes exist purely in the realm of success. The heroes are not among us, and as I said earlier, most people suck at most things and heroes don’t suck. 

The heroes aren’t sexy

People especially suck at new things. But I like new things. My brain is far too ADHD-addled to do the same thing for long. Is it a byproduct of Gen Z restlessness, or something greater? I'm not too sure, but the end results are the same. Hopping between many interests is a trait of the perpetual learner. But it also means you're perpetually bad-mediocre at quite a few things, you never spend enough time with anything to truly learn its ins and outs.

From ping-pong to piano, internalised inadequacy denies the path to mastery. A milestone of the path to mastery is good, and expectations of merely “good” act as a barrier and distraction to doing. Divorcing yourself from this expectation is a sisyphean struggle, at least it was for me. There's nothing wrong with aiming to be better, but when “better” causes paralysis? There's something fundamentally awry. Divorcing yourself from this is a must, so just do it, and be fully aware that your work is likely dreadful.

Cringe at yourself. Yeah, it probably sucks. It's unworthy of seeing the light of day, but then share it anyway. It's an act of  love. Like a mother who’s told their child that their macaroni art is amazing, knowing full well that it’s hot garbage. But it’s a child, they aren’t meant to be good. You’re a child too. Maybe a deeper voice, achier joints and a hatred of the taxman won’t change that fact. It's really in the eye of the beholder, and as long as your own inadequacy is allowed to bubble and flourish, your child or in this case your ability,, will have the chance to grow.

I still suck at most things. Not much has changed in that domain. Things are frequently new and unwelcomingly daunting. Everyday is a new conversation that has left me absolutely baffled. A close family friend once told me that part of growing up is accepting that you don’t know… I most definitely still have growing to do. Sucking is a cross-functional instance of not knowing, body and mind. Almost a skill in itself, innate to all. I've come to view the process of sucking as an inevitability, entrenched in anything new and unfamiliar. Poor performance in a new domain is not the exception. Rather, it is the norm. It's the norm until it's not.

There are admittedly mechanisms to mitigate this initial sucking. Some people have never pinged a pong, nor ponged a ping. Yet their performance stands above the rest, what gives. Are they just generational talents? God-kings among mortals? Nay. They’ve tapped into the wild world of second-order effects (SoE). Extremely obvious in hindsight, but rarely ever discussed. As it says in the name, second-order effects are secondary, derived from first-order effects. First-order effects being direct and immediate consequences of an action. If I push you, you fall. Second-order effects, then, are the result of a chain reaction caused by the initial reaction. You fall, and get me done for assault, fun. 

First Order and Second order effects

Let's reimagine the scenario where I suck at ping-pong. Rather than just sucking at ping-pong, which I still do, I happened to also be a fantastic junior basketball player, which I am not. Dedicating that time and energy to basketball would have some subtle initial effects, but as my proficiency in basketball improves, so will my proficiency in ping-pong. This would come in the effects of improved stamina, fitness, agility, endurance and more. It would improve my scores across the board on pretty much any sport. Extremely apparent. What’s new here?

What other effects would you not necessarily consider that come into account? The ability to have resilience and focus under pressure? Whilst playing the game, I’d face high-pressure situations. Ball in hand, sweat on my back, timer ticking down, a buzzer-beater shot in front of an audience crowd. When I'm playing ping-pong, who cares about sucking on the playground? Nobody. You’ve already had your fair share of pressure in a much higher stakes environment. That confidence had already made you a much stronger player. Diamonds are made under pressure, and the pressure of the game made me unbreakable prior to picking up that paddle.

Despite all of this, you still sucked. You would already be acutely aware of the skill gap that exists in every sport because you had already seen it on the court. In Korea, they have a saying, "The sky above the sky." Meaning no matter how good you are, no matter how successful you are, there will always be another, someone out there who's better, greater, and more successful. The sky above the sky is an eternal humbling. With this awareness, you can only strive. You show up, you train, you're disciplined. You try every day, sucking slightly less with time.

Over the weeks and months, that concrete ping-pong table takes on a new form. Once a testament to your failure it eventually becomes your throne, a pedestal to your excellence. If I could go back in time and talk to myself, distraught at the ping-pong table, what would I have said to myself? Would I have said, "Hey, head up lad. One day it will get better?”. 

No, That would be a lie, because it doesn't, not on a surface level at least. The locus of your awareness shifts from being internal to external, but you still suck. Sucking means quick progress, and progress is as close to a panacea for the heart as winning minus the ego. When you’re at the bottom the only way is up. 

Not everything in life is a clear game, you never quite know when you have the win, but progress? That's tangible. That's measurable. It makes every pursuit more enjoyable, and gifts every craft with avenues for growth. The SoEs of actions across domains can be cross- functional in ways untold. You have no idea what skills you’re flexing. The breadth of skill that can be developed is beautiful and, at times, harmonious. Every action you take can potentially be an act of mindfulness or self-development. Sucking isn't the issue. Sucking is the panacea. You suck because there's room for growth, development, and achievement. When you stop sucking, that's when you should be looking for something new. Cheesy as it is, sucking at something is the best indicator of growth areas. It's the maximum return on investment for minimum energy spent. When discomfort is almost oppressive it’s probably most necessary. 

With this mindset, even time spent “unproductively” is more enjoyable, knowing that it feeds into your productivity. Doing nothing becomes more enjoyable because the SoEs of doing nothing can be many things, from mindfulness to restfulness, which is handy everywhere. Incorporating this thought process allowed me to think less and do a little more. Every action takes on an air of authority, you’re aware that every second of your time is being spent in pursuit of something greater. Inadequacy becomes okay, It's very much part of the process.

Unfortunately not everything you do has second order effects. If you became an avid yo-yo player the effects wouldn’t necessarily be as tangible. Though, almost every skill taken to an extreme ends up producing a huge array of SoFs. So that’s always fun. 

If you suck today, will you suck tomorrow? Likely, yes. And this is where I would have probably inserted a crazy rocky-esque training montage. I would dominate everyone on that ping-pong table. And you're right, if this was my mindset, I probably would. But being in the sunset years of my mid-to-late 20s, smashing a bunch of teenagers at table tennis isn't particularly great street cred anymore.

I’d even don the uniform as I beat them

Though if I were to, I'd definitely let them know they suck. You suck too, learn to love it, It’s part of the process. What niche areas of your life have given you special SoEs?